I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
