This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
