I am spending my child support on dildos
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
