The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
