before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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