He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
