if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
