All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Randomize
