i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
