Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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