no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
