So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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