I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i was born a porn star she said
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
