apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
