It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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