i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
