Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
