Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize