That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
