two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
