A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
