it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
