Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
