Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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