Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
