We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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