don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Sober January is a disaster.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
