i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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