No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize