I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
