yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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