i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
