eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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