Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
