Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
don't judge my taste in strippers
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
