He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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