All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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