It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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