i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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