Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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