I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
