I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
