If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize