The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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