Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
