The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
