Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
