I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
