He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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