Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
