The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize