A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
