tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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