So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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