So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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