I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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