i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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