Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
