So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize