The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
