She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
