Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she pinky promised me she was 18
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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