found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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