My hand turned me down
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
