Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
