she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
