OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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