Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
