If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
