The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
