You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
