I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
