hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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