We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Congratulations! We have a period
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