so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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