so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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