Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
