Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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