I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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