This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
